Love this…
My world spun on its axis,
tumbling me around,
but when your eyes met mine,
everything went blissfully still.
© Sarah Doughty
For the #NovemberNotes challenge.
Hosted by myself and Rosema of A Reading Writer.
Today’s song is Look After You by The Fray.
There’s been a lot going on in my life lately that everything non-essential is taking a back seat. I became an auntie to the cutest looking little girl, I’ve agreed to co-write with an amazing indie author, I’m in two charity anthologies (signed up for a third), I’ve been in a magazine and since I last posted our dog Lilly has settled in well. So life has been pretty full on for me at the moment.
How cute is Lilly?
There are just a few things I’d like to talk about/clear up.
If you’re particularly diligent on social media, you’ll have noticed that I have stated writing under a different name. Now I just wanted to talk a little about my decision to use a pen name. If you already follow this blog you’ll know that I volunteer with children, as a result there are certain things which are and are not appropriate – I probably toe the line more than I realise and may have even crossed it a time or two (dissertation I’m looking at you). But I plan to cross it more in future with my writing.
Now I love what I do, volunteering is so rewarding and never fails to cheer me up – but writing and reading is my world. I felt like in order to have the two I needed to create another me. So I have -sort of. My alter is ballsier than me and braver. She’s more sarcastic and critical, all the things I keep in check in my day to day life. When I write, I don’t think about my ‘image’ or how I am representing another body and when you write adult content that poses a problem. My nom de plume doesn’t care; she’s just stressed about alternative words for vagina and how to avoid the word moist. I am not hiding her from you, but rather protecting my interests in more than one thing, by using another name I’m making sure I can still do what I love and what I can’t live without.
So follow me on Instagram or Twitter if you can find me. I don’t mind- I love meeting people. Just don’t judge me and try to alienate me from the things I love doing (volunteering and writing).
That’s my heartfelt lecture and plea out of the way, now it’s time to get my arse back into gear and blog more.
I put a status up a few days ago which had a few of you concerned and I just wanted to let you know that I’m fine. I’m just in a bit of a funk. Well that’s a bit of an understatement, I feel stuck in a huge funk. But it’s okay to not be okay now and again. I know that I’m hitting a low point right now, and my husband and I are dealing with the best way we can. I’m trying to be positive and I’m reminding myself daily about the things I’m grateful for, because somewhere in the back of my depression riddled brain I know I’m lucky in so many respects. But I can’t force happiness right now and I’m struggling. Something has got to change and I’m working on that. But it’s okay. It’s okay that I’m finding everything hard right now. It’s okay that my depression has reared its fucking ugly head because i have a fantastic husband who loves me. I have family and friends but right now it’s too much effort to let them in. I can barely cope with the minimum people in my life at this point.
Yes I have been living in my pyjamas. Yes, it can be days until I remember to shower or even cook an actual meal (an entire stick of garlic bread is a meal right?) and I have completely abandoned the gluten free diet that made me feel better. Online it’s so easy to pretend everything’s great, nothing to see here, move along. But I’m reaching the point when faking it is getting to be extremely arduous and tedious. I took a selfie this week, and the likes and love I got for that made me nearly cry. The fact that I got dressed and put makeup on FOR ME (not for work) was huge step and I know things are on the up.
So if I’m quiet or don’t reply, don’t be offended just give me space. If I seem off with you I swear I’m not, I’m having a hard time controlling my emotions but I am getting better. I’m just over here digging my way out of my funk with the people who matter most to me and that’s how I need it to be. I am feeling better, but we just take each day as it comes.
So thank you, those who were concerned for me, I’m off to count my blessings and you are all a huge blessing!
So last night I had another rejection letter…or e-mail should I say. And it stings, like really fucking stings. But I’m trying to stay positive about these things.
I’ve been rejected three times now, twice just because I wasn’t suited and once because of word limit constraints on the anthology as a whole (apparently). So the rejection is getting a little easier, especially when I weigh it up against the two acceptances I have received this year. Rejection is just part of the parcel, I’m afraid. But that shouldn’t stop you and it won’t be stopping me.
I try to always think of the positives and so should you. You have been brave and brilliant enough to have submitted, that deserves a giant pat on the back and a nice chilled glass of prosecco in itself. You also now have a baseline to work from – okay, so this piece wasn’t what they were looking for but maybe it could be better suited elsewhere. Or with a little tweaking you could improve it even further. This is not the end of you as a writer, and it’s certainly not the end of your piece. Keep going, keep submitting and don’t give up. If it was easy then everyone would do it.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I guess I’m just letting all my lovely author friends out there know that rejection isn’t the end. Not even close. So don’t let it get you down, take that horrible stinging feeling and use it to fuel your determination. You’ve got this. I repeat: YOU’VE GOT THIS.
I am still alive, I’m still around on WordPress – you’re just more likely to find me over at http://www.pageonebooks.wordpress.com.
We’ve been reviewing books and bookish things for the last couple of months and it’s taken off in a way we never thought it would. It’s still small, we only have 315 followers on Facebook, about the same on Twitter and our WordPress is growing everyday. The blog was started for fun, to help us with our reading addictions. Everytime I start getting frustrated that we haven’t hit the thousands with our followers Ash remind me that this is for fun, we never expected it to ever be anything, and it cools down my nuber mad head. Our logo is also fantastic and I’m so in love with it that I’m going to get it made into a poster.
It’s allowed us to do some pretty cool things and meet some seriously amazing people. I’ve been to some book signings, taken part in releases and reveals that I never thought I would, I’ve done some beta reading and I’m not going to lie, I get a huge buzz every time I read something before it’s release date.
So yeah, that’s where I’ve been hiding. Plus work has been crazy. We’ve been understaffed for months and I’ve been struggling to find the time to do everything I did before. BUT we’re not short staffed anymore! Well we are for a few weeks while the new guy gets trained, but after that hello more free time!
Now add onto that we got a new dog. Yes, another one. No, I’m not crazy. And the two of them are getting on fine, there is the occasional spat but then two minutes later they’re playing again. So I’m not too worried about the two of them.
Also I’m going to be an aunt! Wooo Hooo! My baby sister is having a baby. Wow. I feel old! She’s due in September and we are seriously excited.Ashleigh and I are planning the baby shower so expect lots of DIY posts coming up because we’ve got some cool crafts planned for it.
I’m going to try and post here once a week because I’ve seriously neglected this lovely little blog of mine.
I always seem to abandon this, my personal blog. Things have been very busy lately – I work nights which is draining, but also I’ve been pouring all my effort into Page One and my own writing. My arthritis has been playing up too, so I’ve been for blood tests and an ultrasound scan on my hands. No real news so far.
Some days, when I’ve worked several shifts in a row, I’ve got deadlines for reviews, my house is a mess and I’m in agony, I can feel myself slipping back into my depression. I don’t want to move from my bed. I try really hard on those days to think positive, to ‘fake it until I make it’ because if I can just do one thing then I’m doing better than I thought – be it getting dressed, brushing my teeth or putting some washing on. Right, now there’s my pity party over with. Let’s move onto all the things I’m grateful for.
I’m lucky to have a husband who does more than his share of housework, who’ll happily make tea when I can’t even lift the saucepan and walk the dog when my knees are swollen and stiff. I’m very lucky to have my friends and family. I’m lucky to have such great support for Page One and to be able to read novels by amazing and upcoming writers.
If you have a chronic illness, or even if you don’t, spoon theory is really useful for helping to understand that you need to know your limitations, and to not feel guilty over it. So I am still here, I’ll still be posting but just bear with me while I keep trying to figure out how best to organise everything. I’m busy rationing out my spoons.
mishmashcreations.wordpress.com 